Mastering the Art of Difficult Conversations: Your Ultimate Guide
Having difficult conversations can't be avoided but can be made easier when we put social and emotional skills to practice.
Humans are social beings. In childhood or adulthood, opportunities for meaningful and complex conversations constantly present themselves. Having deeper conversations is an important part of maintaining social and emotional wellness, and some of these conversations may be harder to participate in than others. At the same time, it is our social and emotional skills that help us navigate these difficult conversations.
Whether you’re in a classroom, a workplace, or with family - you will find yourself in the position to necessitate conversations that aren’t easy, but are important. So the ability to effectively have these conversations is crucial, especially in today’s diverse world. Here are some steps that you can take to be better equiped to have these difficult conversations:
Be open. In order to have a productive conversation, it’s important that you allow yourself to hear the other parties. This might mean having to listen to things you don’t agree with. Remember: just because you’re allowing the other party to speak, this does not mean you agree with everything they are saying. You are allowed to feel strongly about your own opinion, but don’t let this manifest as biases and beliefs that stop you from having an effective conversation.
Be aware of what you want to communicate. It can be hard to get your point across effectively if you don’t have a clear idea of what it is. Especially in conversations when you are anticipating a certain level of difficulty. Plan beforehand on what you want to say and how you want to say it. Explain how you feel, what you think and why.
Be mindful of sensitive topics, but don’t be afraid of them. Discussing sensitive topics can be challenging for everyone involved. It’s important to set boundaries in difficult conversations. Understand what you’re comfortable with discussing and what you are not comfortable discussing. If needed, you can let your counterpart know that this conversation is uncomfortable for you at the moment and you’d like to pick this up later. At the same time, be mindful of your counterpart’s boundaries as well. When having the conversation, if things get too draining, you can take a break.
For subject matter that is unavoidable, find non-threatening ways to approach these topics. Do research beforehand and commit yourself to learning the appropriate terms relevant to these discussions.Listen actively. Focusing on the speaker and showing genuine interest to learn from them, can lead to more meaningful conversations. Listen with the aim to learn and to grow your own opinions. The environment around you should also allow you to practice active listening. If your environment is too noisy, don’t be afraid to move the conversation elsewhere. Maintaining open body language and asking questions in conversation are also great practices.
End the conversation positively. When parties leave a conversation mindfully, they are allowed to debrief and reflect. After having a particularly difficult conversation, this is an important practice. Some ways you can leave difficult conversations mindfully are by appreciating all parties for participating in an insightful discussion, sharing something that you’ve learned from the conversation, and offering a follow-up if necessary. Scheduling personal reflection-time is a great step.
Possessing the skills have difficult conversations is important because it directly impacts our social and emotional wellbeing.
It is important to note that a conversation can still be productive even if you weren’t able to come to a complete agreement. The end outcome shouldn’t be to win or lose, it is for all participants to have a healthy and productive conversation where everyone can take away new learnings. These practices, derived from social and emotional learning, can allow you have more meaningful conversations with everyone in your life.
At our latest TAP employee retreat, we encouraged our team to have more meaningful, and at times difficult, conversations. We recognised that the ability to openly have these conversations is an important part of healthy work environment. On a more personal front, the ability to share your thoughts and emotions openly with your circles will positively impact your wellbeing, even if these conversations may not be easy to have. Don’t shy away from deep conversations, your social and emotional wellbeing depends on it.
At The Apprentice Project, we believe that social and emotional wellness is a crucial element in the lives we live. It is what allows individuals to be successful in all aspects of life. We believe that all students - regardless of their backgrounds - should have an equal opportunity to hone social and emotional skills. By developing these skills in school, students can be better prepared for success in their future careers.